Freeing yourself from the shoulds Live your life based on what is right for you and not on what others or yourself think you should do. Many individuals live their lives according to what they believe they should do. In life there are choices we must make. Often we make our choices based on the opinion of others - they tell us what they think we should do. Sometimes their opinion is correct. We get in trouble when we listen to these shoulds, even when our gut is telling us differently. When we are untrue to ourselves, we incrementally lower our self esteem. It can happen gradually. Almost imperceptibly, but can have a far reaching and long lasting impact. The first step in freeing yourself from social restrictions is the realization that there is no such thing as a "safe" code of conduct - one that would earn everyone's approval. Your actions can always be condemned by someone - for being too bold or too apathetic, for being too conformist or too nonconformist, for being too liberal or too conservative. So it's necessary to decide whose approval is important to you. - Harry Browne An example of this might be deciding what to major in college. Your true desire is to be a chemistry major, but your parents are telling you should major in accounting. In order to please your parents, you do what you should do as a good child - you major in accounting. After all, it doesn't really matter, it's just college. But it does matter. When we let other people decide important issues like this for us, even when they have the best intentions, we are not being true to ourselves. "To thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man." - William Shakespeare You must pay attention to your own needs and wants. Listen to what your body, your mind, and your heart are telling you. For instance, if your body is telling you that you have been sitting down too long, stand up and stretch. If your heart is longing to spend more time with a special friend, do it. If your mind is telling you to clean up your basement, listen to your favorite music, or stop thinking bad thoughts about yourself, take those thoughts seriously.

Self Esteem Tip Give yourself rewards—you are a great person. Listen to a CD or tape. Make your living space a place that honors the person you are. Whether you live in a single room, a small apartment, or a large home, make that space comfortable and attractive for you. If you share your living space with others, have some space that is just for you--a place where you can keep your things and know that they will not be disturbed and that you can decorate any way you choose.